I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
