just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Randomize
