Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Randomize
