Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
her facebook's as public as her vagina
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
