He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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