Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize