My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Randomize