I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
40s are totally the cure
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
