she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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