i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Randomize
