You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
