We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Randomize
