found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
