You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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