I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
