we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
