Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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