what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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