Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
The beer is more important than you right now.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Randomize
