Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
