Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
