every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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