It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
No stitches, just platelets and will power
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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