she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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