She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
