I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
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