No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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