Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
