what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
