Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
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