I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Randomize
