Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Randomize
