I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
I am midnight drunk by noon
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Randomize
