I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
So vagazzling was a success
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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