Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
