Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
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