Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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