You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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