Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
