I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize