your thong is hanging out like whoa
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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