Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
