I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
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