Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
he told me I talked like a deaf person
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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