when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Randomize
