i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
