I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Screwed.edu
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
