i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Randomize
