I cannot find my penis.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
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