Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
