i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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