I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
