I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
