glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
