i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize
