I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
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