Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
