i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I queefed so loud it echoed.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
