So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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