Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Randomize
