I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
