I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Randomize
