I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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