Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
why do cheetos always look like penises
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
