$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
