if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
