she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize