We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
