The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Randomize