I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
