last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
