how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
