I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Randomize
