how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
