'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
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