i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
