I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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