areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Randomize
