First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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