Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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