you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
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