u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
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