I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Randomize
