I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
